Power Walking…
- Category: Journal
- Date: 4.24.09
On my way to the gym yesterday, I passed an individual power walking. I instantly began to feel sorry for this person, hoping against all odds that they didn’t actually think that “power” walking was actually some form of working out.
Before I go any further, let’s first look more deeply into the word power.
pow⋅er
–noun
great or marked ability to do or act; strength; might; force.
–verb (used with object)
to give power to; make powerful: An outstanding quarterback powered the team in its upset victory.
Now… does anything in that video even REMOTELY resemble power, or in anyway seem powerful? A resounded “NO” is the correct answer.
Besides looking slightly off in the head and thereby scaring people away from you, and potentially keeping muggers at bay for fear of the danger you may cause due to whatever mental illness you appear to have, there is no benefit (not enough for it to become worthwhile anyway) in power walking.
If we allow this to stay in the fitness community, where does it end?! …
- Power Walk Tabata Intervals: Power Walk for 20 seconds then 10 seconds rest, repeat 8 times
- Power Walk Drop Set: Hold 3 lbs dumbbells and Power Walk 20 yards, drop the 3’s and grab a pair of 2’s, another 20 yards then switch em for 1’s
- Resisted Power Walk: Power Walk against the wind!
- High Octane Power Walk: Power Walk a block, then drop and do 10 knee push ups, repeat for 5-10 blocks
And the list goes on!
And what about the other horrifying possibilities! Full equipped specialized Power Walking Gyms taking the place of Commercial gyms, Crossfit Clubs, and Garage gyms. Stores like “Power Walking Room” and “The Power Walkers Den” will be popping up left and right. Lulu Lemon will come out with it’s own brand of Power Walking apparel! It’s endless! The horror! Oh god the HORROR!!!
We must put a stop to this phenomenon ASAP! For this is a plague that could destroy us all! From this day forward, we must band together! If you see somebody infected with this viral contagious condition there is only one option: Beat them down, violently and without mercy! And as they lay in a pool of their own pitiful blood (and most likely some urine) you yell down to them “POWER WALK THAT! BITCH!”
